The Debt You're Still Paying

Some debts get forgiven on paper and keep collecting anyway.

Years ago, employees I was trying to serve and support committed fraud, built a competing company off my clients while still working for me, and left me to shut the whole thing down. I’ve said the words. I’ve tried to forgive them before. And still — “it stays with me because I’m literally still paying the debt.” There’s a real loan, a real payment, a healthy chunk of revenue going out the door every month for the next five years.

So forgiveness stopped being a one-time transaction. Every time I sit down with the finances, the wound re-opens — and the choice comes with it.

That’s the part nobody warns you about: “I’m still called to forgive in the midst of the pain that has caused me. And that’s the challenge.”

I keep coming back to how Jesus did it. “The people are literally crucifying him and killing him. And he’s like, Father, forgive them for they do not know what they do.” Not after the pain stopped. In the middle of it.

And that’s the pattern I keep coming back to. The challenges don’t stop coming. But the move isn’t to figure it out on my own — it’s to fall back on his example. “Jesus led the way… he calls us to that same level of grace — to forgive others, to pray for enemies, to be a radical example on this earth.” So when life comes against me, that’s the default: I look at him, and I follow.